How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

1. Have a purpose in life that interests you more than making everyone else happy. Maybe what you need is something that means more to you than making other people happy. Spending so much time on other people takes your time away from other things. Set a few exciting goals or another purpose that is highly meaningful to you.

   
   

2. Work on your self-esteem. If you cared about yourself more, you wouldn’t be so concerned with everyone else. People-pleasers are often lacking in self-esteem.

   
   

3. Start being a little selfish and see what happens. Perform a little experiment. Be 10% more selfish for a week and see what happens. If the results are positive, try 20%. Keep going as long as the results appeal to you.

   
   

   ○      The most successful people in the world are considerably more selfish than the average person. If you’re a chronic people pleaser, a little selfishness would be beneficial.

   
   

4. Understand that people pleasers aren’t respected by others. People-pleasers want to be liked, but they don’t realize that they aren’t doing themselves any favors. Other people don’t respect those who put everyone else above themselves, because they don’t respect themselves.

   
   

   ○      Being a people-pleaser is counterproductive to getting what you really want.

   
   

5. Say “no” more often. The easiest way to put a stop to people-pleasing activity is to say “no” more frequently.

   
   

   ○      “I know we haven’t spoken in ages, but would you give me a ride to the airport at 6 am on Sunday?”

○      “No. Sunday morning is my only day to sleep in. I have a rule never to miss it.”

6. Ask others to do things for you. Turn the tables and ask others for favors now and then. It’s good practice for you, and other people will begin to see you in a new light.

   
   

   ○      Make it a point not to do favors for anyone who consistently refuses to do you a favor.

   
   

7. Pause. “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you.” This is easier than just saying “no” to someone’s request. It also shows people that you’re not going to jump at the opportunity to give up your time for someone. You can give a well-thought-out response after you’ve had some time to ponder the request.

   
   

8. Set boundaries. Most people are willing to help out a friend to a point, but there’s a limit. Set your own limits. You might decide that you will never loan money to anyone. Or, you don’t do favors on the weekend or after 9:00 PM unless it’s an emergency. Maybe you won’t let anyone crash on your couch.

   
   

   ○      It’s up to you what boundaries you set. Boundaries show people that you respect yourself, making it less likely that they will use you.